When I meet someone and if they are not open to working on themselves and being the best person they can be I know right away that him and I are not going to get along. We can’t possibly know everything and be someone that is perfect. During our childhood, our parents fucked us up. Then we got into relationships and those messed us up even more.
So, there’s a time when I believe all of us need to take a moment, be alone, reflect, explore and get balance back in our lives.
I, continually, work on being a better me. I’m, constantly, reading self-help books and articles. Because I know I’m fucked up and I embrace it. I don’t lie to myself and think that I’m the most grounded person on Earth. No. I grew up in a dysfunctional family. I was sexually abused. I’m adopted. I’ve been in relationships where I was manipulated and my self-esteem was destroyed.
There’s no such thing as a perfect person. We are flawed. We are human.
But, we have the power to educate ourselves. We have the power to overcome the obstacles of our past. We can choose to be a better person, live a balanced life and heal from abuse.
Why am I writing about this? What does this have to do with dating?
Because we carry all this fucked up baggage into a relationship. We carry it around with us day after day after day and it reflects on who we are. It affects our energy, how we look at life, how we interact with people and how we view ourselves.
I did the 5 Languages of Love quiz last night. I was sure my love language was touch. The last relationship I was in the guy never touched me, unless, we were having sex. I craved to be touched by him. I wanted to feel love through his touch. So, I wanted to have sex all the time, because that was the only time he touched me in a way that made me feel wanted.
When the quiz came back with my love language being affirmations and touch was the last thing on the list of results, I was surprised. I analyzed these results. Why affirmations? I didn’t think I was a person, who needed to be praised or complimented. I get compliments all the time about how pretty I am, how gorgeous my hair is, how captivating my eyes are, how I’m such a hard-worker, etc. Why was my love language affirmations?
I thought about my childhood. My parents never praised me. They complained. They criticized. The only time I ever got an affirmation from them was when I graduated from college. I was shocked when I heard my dad yell and saw how proud he was of me. When I remembered this I recalled how I wanted them to say nice things to me, encourage me and support me. But, I never got that from them. So, I grew up and what did I do I became what I didn’t get as a child. And, who did I marry, my parents.
My ex-husband didn’t support me or praise me or compliment me. He complained. And, this destroyed my love I had for him.
By taking the 5 Languages of Love quiz, I now have a better understanding of why my marriage failed, why I stopped loving the man I was crazy in love with, and what I need in a relationship to be happy, to continue to love and to be balanced.